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lyrics

Growing up by the creek, where all the kids would play
I was in the backwoods, smoking life away
Until one day I heard the neighbor kid say
That there's this amazing place called Californ-i-a
Got my bags, hitched a train, I was only seventeen
Young, naïve, excited didn't know what dangerous means
Until one day I felt something tugging on my jeans
It was "Date Rape" Doug but I jumped and got away clean
Awoke next morning not knowing where I was at
So I caught the next train coming down the tracks
An empty box car, a good place to relax
So I grabbed my knife, and rolled a smoke, ready for another attack
I would write and sing songs about what I had saw
After a while I began to doze off
Awoke next morning to a terrible shock
The train had stopped and I was in Salt Lake City Utah

Welcome my man to the Mormon land
The beer here sucks but the mountains are grand
The smog is great for your kids to play
You can have eight spouses unless you're gay
Come out here, spend your vacation
And you can get arrested and go home on probation
Come on folks can't you give me a hand
Caught the wrong train and now I'm in Mormon land
I'm in Mormon land

Everyone seems happy but really they're all sad
Covered by a prescription mask, driving all them mad
But the weather here is great and the rent ain't half bad
So I got myself a full-time job and a shitty bachelor pad
This wasn't what I wanted, my plan had come undone
I longed for California the land of the sun
Where even the booze and the weed out here comes from
This wasn't supposed to be my final outcome so
I'm in an apartment, staring at the wall
Thinking about blond beach babes standing five feet tall
Instead I'm in the city, feeling two feet small
Guess I should've just listened to my mom and got a job at the fucking mall

Welcome my man to the Mormon land
The beer here sucks but the mountains are grand
The smog is great for your kids to play
You can have eight spouses unless you're gay
Come out here, spend your vacation
And you can get arrested and go home on probation
Come on folks can't you give me a hand
I caught the wrong train and now I'm in Mormon land
I'm in Mormon land
I'm in Mormon land
I'm in Mormon land

credits

from Moist, released May 13, 2022

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Unkle Andy & The Fuck Around Gang Portland, Oregon

Keeping it moist since 1991.....

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